The feeling of sadness often affiliated with situations in which say, your puppy dies or you have been told off or the loss of an inatimate object which you cannot help but mourn as you have no other real outlet for this feeling. All of these are well and good but what happens when there is no reason when the saddness when it appears like a crow on your window sill it’s eyes piercing into your existance, sandpapering your soul. You awake one day every colour little more grey and every sound a little more muffled by the constant clicking which is calculating the precise moment you stop, a perfect equation for your end. You put your favourtie movie on, get a bowl of ice cream and some tissues and think okay this will put and end to this, i just need to cry and become a born again romantic it works everytime. Yeah, that is all this is. Except it doesnt you watch even as they commence to converse using some of the most cheesy of pick up lines and gruelingly unbelievable facial expressions as they make believe they are really lovers, it just doesnt work. Sleep, and you awake although not awaken it’s time to become awake to brush your teeth and comb your hair and watch whatever crap is on television and enjoy it. Yet you cant seem to, you cant even fathom getting out of your bed your dreams make you weary, dreams of the things you know you will never see it sadens you to your core, to the pit of your stomach to the root of your heart where all things good and evil collide. It is everything and nothing all at the same time, you have them all discussing you and you dont even, you cant even move. So, you stay in bead you wallow in your head ebbing and flowing it’s a pattern you’ve come across to get down and stay there. Resume things as usual go out, life of the party a beautiful facade. Then you fall in ah.. love. A love that burns through your veins causing them to glow a bright blue there it is, your salvation they dont know it yet but you have appointed them to you salvation you really hope they’re a straight A student; this task has no room for error. Every day shinning like a new dollar they come through but they always dissapoint or is it you that’s doing that? you find yourself questioning. As soon as you’re lit up you’re dimming down again, back down to the same place you have been oh so many times before except you dont dare think yourself unfortunate or even pity yourself. Okay self evaluation time: food? Yes. Clothing? Yes. House? Yes. Reason? you have forgotten what this used tobe. Snort this snort that, fuck him, kiss her, pop a few and now you are feeling on top. On top of your mound of unwritten letters, so longs, goodbyes and the alarming rate of dishes you have acquired whilst being sad. What have you done? it’s in times like these when you need some one to grab a bib, clean you up cradle you and hum something fimiliar. Are you okay? I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay. It’s just a matter of remembering inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, forget.